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Jesus Christ said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Lk. 14:26).1 At first this saying is perplexing. How could Jesus tell us to hate? Does not this contradict everything the guy said about loving others? Are we really to hate kin and self?

Jesus being a masterful orator occasionally employed the use of hyperbole to get a point across. Hyperbole is “a conscious exaggeration that expresses truth in a nonliteral manner,” and “a statement is an exaggeration when the literal interpretation violates our common sense logic and observation of how things generally operate.”2

Clearly the Lord employs hyperbole in saying, “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye?” Having a log stuck in one’s eye socket will hardly go unnoticed. In the same way, we are to realize the Lord’s declaration on the hate for kin and self in Luke 14:26 is hyperbolic. The over exaggeration is meant to get across “the principle that devotion to Christ is the most important relationship that we can have, and that it must take precedence over all human relationships.”3

Far from condoning a spiteful kind of hate for kin, Luke wants to convey that “a person’s loyalty to following Jesus has priority over family or acceptance by them.”4 Luke 14:26 is further clarified when compared to the parallel passage from Matthew 10:37, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” The word “hate” in Luke 14:26 then means to love less.5 Faithfulness to Jesus takes precedence over family approval.

Following Jesus can result in social conflicts with kin. It is especially difficult when one’s own kin urges participation in evil but it is unthinkable to join with anyone intending to do evil (Exod. 20:1-18; cf. Deut. 5:1-33; 13:1-4; Josh. 24:14-15; Prov. 1:8-19; Ezek. 18:1-30; 1 Cor. 10:2-22). Inasmuch as we love our kin, we cannot unite with them in doing evil.

Our connection with parents, children, and siblings also connects us together with the rest of society. We are part of an extended family of friends, neighborhoods, cities, states, and nations. Inasmuch as we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (Lev. 19:18; Matt. 5:43-48; 23:34-39), we cannot be conformed to the evil ways of the world, but we must be transformed into the kind of people who follow the ways of God (Rm. 12:1-2).

Believers who take a stand for Christ in this postmodern secularist society may even experience backlash in the form of censorship, blacklisting, protest, litigation, or loss of employment from employers, groups and authorities with antichristian sentiments.6 Things can still get more intense. For example, a twentysomething year old man from Laos named Cheu became a Christian. Afterwards, Cheu’s uncle and brother abducted, bound and thrashed him in order to force recantation and return to the faith of the Hmong culture. Cheu only survived through subterfuge.7 Susan Ithungu of Uganda became a Christian in 2011. When her Muslim father found out, he tortured her in accordance to Islamic law, and locked her in a room without food and water to force a recantation and return to Islam. After being rescued by the police, she was unable to walk, and needed over a year of hospitalization.8 Disapproval for following Christ can then be severe (e.g. threats and warnings), extreme (e.g. shunning and disowning), or nuclear (torture and martyrdom).

Even Jesus warned about the social tensions which could arise for being one of His disciples:

Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law (Luke 12:51-53; cf. Matt. 10:34-39).

Jesus also taught us about the cost of discipleship:

Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple (Lk. 14:27-33).

Salvation is neither earned nor deserved (Eph. 2:1-10). Moreover, God graces us with adequate spiritual armor for protection and defense, so together with the fellowship of praying cohorts within the body of Christ, we possess the supernatural resources to stand and remain standing against the wiles of the Devil (Eph 6:10-20). Nevertheless, there is still a cost to discipleship which must be weighed. The darkness that wars against the Christ will likewise war against the Christian (Jn. 15:18-25). Although we are never promised a life of blissful peace, perfect health, and unlimited wealth, God is still with us every step of the way through thick and thin from now until eternity.

Cultivating good family relationships is still something Christians are to strive after. The Apostle Paul strictly warns: “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8). We are to do whatever is reasonably possible to build up the family. We can never estrange ourselves from family without valid reason. We are to honor our parents (Exod. 20:12; Deut. 5:16; Matt. 15:1-9; Mk. 6:7-12), but faithfulness to the Lord is the moral ought of greater incumbency, and we are never to allow ourselves to be compelled into denying Christ or disobeying His precepts. The Apostle Peter puts it this way: “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).9

Jesus’ call to hate kin and self is hyperbole, but the implications are significant. Following the Lord can be a source of tension with parents, children, siblings and the rest of the world. Nevertheless, our love for Christ is to be greater than for our kin and self. We are to consider the cost of discipleship, but follow Jesus nonetheless. “Jesus wants to be your only love and to be loved above all else; therefore, you must abandon all other beloveds for your one Beloved,” says Thomas à Kempis.10

— WGN

  1. The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Lk 14:25–33.
  2. Leland Ryken, “Luke 14:26: Hate or Hyperbole,” Christian Research Journal, 24, 5 (2004), https://www.equip.org/articles/luke-1426/
  3. Ibid.
  4. Darrell Bock, Jesus According to Scripture: Restoring the Portrait from the Gospels (Grand Rapids, MIL Baker Academics, 2002), 279.
  5. Cf. Laurence E. Porter, New International Bible Commentary, ed. F. F. Bruce (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1979), 1212; Walter C. Kaiser Jr. et al., Hard Sayings of the Bible (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 1996), 475-476; William Hendriksen and Simon J. Kistemaker, Exposition of the Gospel According to Luke, vol. 11, New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1953–2001), 734-735.
  6. Cf. . Luke Goodrich, Free to Believe: The Battle over Religious Liberty in America (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah, 2019); Mary Eberstadt, It’s Dangerous to Believe: Religious Freedom and Its Enemies (New York: Harper, 2016).
  7. OpenDoors, “What If Your Family Disowned You Because of Christ?” https://www.opendoorsusa.org/christian-persecution/stories/family-disowned-christ/
  8. Raymond Ibrahim, Crucified Again: Exposing Islam’s New War on Christians (Washington, DC: Regnery Publishing, Inc.,2013), 98-99; cf. “Girl in Uganda Loses Use of Legs after Leaving Islam for Christ” World Watch Monitor, August 11, 2012, https://web.archive.org/web/20130122212515/http://www.worldwatchmonitor.org/english/country/uganda/article_116148.html
  9. For further reading, see Michael Ross, “Honoring Dishonorable Parents,” Christian Research Journal, 42, 1 [2019]: https://www.equip.org/article/honoring-dishonorable-parents/
  10. Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, translation by Joseph N. Tylenda, S.J. (New York: Vintage Books, 1984, 1998), 55.
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Published by Warren Nozaki

Hello, my name is Warren Nozaki. I typically blog on topics related to Christian apologetics. Check out what is posted, leave a comment if you like. I work at the Christian Research Institute in Charlotte, North Carolina. I also create sonic landscapes on the electric guitar.

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