The subject of being held captive by painful memories and past mistakes came up recently. I can say that we all in one way or another experience such wounds. Our hope is in Christ who can deliver and save us from the root of sin that brings about these wounds.
I believe it is important to recognize a foundational truth: memories of past mistakes and painful experiences cannot simply be erased. God has not designed the human mind as a mechanism for deleting the past. Yet the gospel offers something far better. Nothing good comes from falling into a ditch of scrupulosity, where we become trapped in a pathological fixation on past guilt. While memories may remain, their power to dominate and define our lives can be transformed through Christ. Scripture calls us to stop conforming to the world and instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom. 12:2). Strongholds of harmful ideas are to be torn down, and every thought is to be taken captive to Christ (2 Cor. 10:4–5).
Many people today are told that forgiveness means suppressing or erasing painful memories. But biblical forgiveness has nothing to do with psychological denial. Rather, it is a spiritual act of obedience rooted in the character of God. Scripture calls us to forgive not because the past disappears, but because God has forgiven us in Christ. Forgiveness is not forgetting; it is releasing the right to retaliate and entrusting justice to God (Matt. 6:12, 14; Eph. 4:32).
Even those suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder can experience what has been described as moral damage and spiritual repair. Trauma can wound the soul, but Christ brings forgiveness, restoration, and the reordering of our inner life.[1] He does not promise amnesia—He promises redemption. He redeems what we remember by reshaping how we remember it. Consider Joseph’s response to his brothers who mistreated him and sold him into slavery. After their father died, they feared Joseph would take vengeance, but he demonstrated remarkable forgiveness and faith in God: “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good… So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them (Gen. 50:19–21).
We all make bad choices. We all carry regrets. We all suffer wounds inflicted by others. But thank the Lord that Jesus Christ has come to bring us out of the kingdom of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Pet. 2:9). Pain is not our identity. In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). God extends solidarity with the least, lost, and lowly of the world (Matt. 25:31-46). There is no virtue in victimizers being avenged by the victims. Vengeance belongs to the Lord (Rom. 12:19-20; cf. Heb. 10:30; Deut. 32:35).
Painful memories can sometimes fuel agonizing spiritual struggles and doubts. Yet even in seasons of emotional turmoil, God’s truth remains steady. Feelings may fluctuate and memories may sting, but the objective reality of Christ’s finished work does not change. Our hope rests not in the stability of our emotions, but in the reliability of our Savior.
Regarding those who have hurt you—especially family members—we look to the example of Christ. We love because He first loved us (1 Jn. 4:19). Forgiveness does not mean excusing wrongdoing or pretending the pain never happened. It means refusing to let bitterness imprison your heart and entrusting ultimate justice to God (Eph. 4:31-32).
Living for the Lord instead of the past is not a single moment but a daily practice: confess past sins and receive God’s forgiveness; extend forgiveness to those who have hurt you; replace rumination with gratitude for God’s grace; meditate on Scripture and your new identity in Christ; and seek fellowship and wise counsel within the body of Christ.
— WGN
Notes:
[1] See A.A. Hosepian, “Moral Damage and Spiritual Repair in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Christian Research Journal, 36, 2 [2013]: https://www.equip.org/articles/moral-damage-spiritual-repair-posttraumatic-stress-disorder/
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